I don’t know why, I just feel like writing and I feel like I never take the time to actually do it. Not when I’m enjoying life at least. So here is my quarterly life crisis:
Things I don’t like/understand
I don’t like the way I look
I don’t understand why I can’t make time to work out
I don’t understand why I keep eating pizza and candy and ice cream
I don’t understand how an almost 25 year old can get this much fucking acne on her face
I don’t understand office attire, it’s boring, unflattering, and dull.
I don’t like my job
I don’t understand how I kind of, in a way, do actually like my job (I know confusing right?)
I don’t understand how people sit at a desk day after day emailing and calling and talking about events that don’t really matter… but they do matter. They provide jobs and stimulate the local economy and keep people fed/housed/comfortable.
I don’t understand how we can charge $34.99++ per person for a continental breakfast that doesn’t include any protein… but I do because that’s the competitive price for the valley
I don’t like that I understand
I don’t understand how I can rationalize everything, even when it’s fucking me over. Why can’t I just act like a kid and throw a tantrum and demand whatever I want.
I don’t understand why I can’t just quit this job without any sort of a backup plan
I don’t understand why I’m not even looking for another job. But I do, I’ve invested a year and moved up quite a bit and the people around me rely on me and I get paid to live pretty comfortably. Barf.
But am I happy? Or am I just moody because I went off my birth control. I need to start working out.
I don’t understand how I can feel so blessed and so thankful for everything that I have and where it has gotten me today.
I have a steady job that pays well and allows for me to move up.
I have an amazing boyfriend who helps me so much and is so loving and understanding.
I have the most supportive family who is always there for me no matter what.
I have two beautiful, goofy, amazing dogs who love and enjoy life in a way I can’t even comprehend.
I have some pretty great friends.
So why don’t I feel happy or satisfied? Why do I feel stuck in limbo, just slowly gaining weight and trying less and less to do anything other than coast. Have I given up or am I just scared?
Suck it up buttercup, it’s the season of joy